I was bummed today.
A few different positions that I had applied for rejected me and I thought I had a pretty good shot at a couple of them, too. I was feeling heavily discouraged and let a dear friend of mine know that I was maybe regretting my recent decision to leave my corporate job after all. “Nobody wants me,” I said to her, half-jokingly. Though she knows I’m not the religious type by any means, she hit me with the following response, which made all the sense in the world. She said…
“God’s delay is not his denial.”
It’s been a little more than a week since my great resignation. While I probably already seem like yesterday’s news to my old job, it’s still only been a small amount of time. And in retrospect, there have been a lot of little things that have pointed toward me making the right decision. For starters, several of my former coworkers have indicated that they aren’t happy with the roles they’ve been transitioned into either. One of them even recently told me on social media that I likely wouldn’t be the last one to quit. Nobody’s happy with the way things have turned out and the double standards they’ve been forced to live with. Perhaps the biggest eye-opener to me throughout the entire ordeal is that, when I gave my resignation, nobody bothered to question it. There were zero inquiries into why I came to the decision to leave. Nobody bothered to see if there was anything they could do to change my decision. Which, in hindsight, means to me that nobody above me in the company really cared that much. That alone might be something for all of us to keep in mind moving forward. If nobody else cares as much as you do, maybe don’t stress yourself out trying to do your best?
It’s all sad but probably true.
I was watching an older episode of Grey’s Anatomy today and heard them play a cover of the song “Try” by Pink over a montage of scenes. The cover was performed by an artist named Tyler Ward, which I found out later, and you can listen to his beautiful rendition of the song by clicking here. This song has been stuck in my head all day and it’s helped heal me tonight as well. I’m not exactly one for falling in love — a big part of my brain never grew out of the feeling that sex and romance are kinda gross which means that it’s likely that I’ll be forever alone — but I could relate well to the lyrics from the song tonight.
“Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned. But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die. You gotta get up and try and try and try.”
Battling depression and anxiety makes it hard to get up and try sometimes. Maybe more difficult than it is for most people. But it’s important for me to remember that just because it’s hard when I get rejected by people or jobs, just because it sucks because I’d rather be doing anything else, and just because I don’t want to do it doesn’t mean that I’m going to die. Just because I’m worried doesn’t mean that things won’t go well. Just because things are hard right now doesn’t mean that they won’t get better or that I won’t eventually find out where I belong.
It’s important to keep going.
I’m going to keep trying. I hope that you are, too.
Until next time…